thestorybook

Was pretty upset with daddy lately. Many things running through my mind why did he do what he did? I don’t wanna speculate. But it hurts. Wells, everyone has their reasons for everything they do.

And one more thing, I really don’t wish to know about what’s going on in his life anymore, so don’t tell me. Whoever he is with, whatever he is doing… I don’t give a darn about it at all. Understand? Don’t keep giving me information. I don’t need them. None of my business at all. But, I wanna thank you for being there all these time.

All I can say is God is good. Never had he left me even during my weakest moments. And it’s through this downfall period, I was brought closer to Him. I learnt to trust and lean on Him. Haven’t been going for services, almost three weeks. But I clearly know what I am doing. I’m not backsliding at all. Been doing my qt. Really thank him for showing me who are my friends. Specially thanks to Per, Eliz, Kelvin, Ele, Von, Chris, Jingmin, Stan, Lex, Nana and Thomas. God is good. I am so blessed.

What have I been doing? Dancing. Really. That’s the only thing that can take my mind off things I don’t wish to be reminded of. Thanks to my senior Zhiyuan, taught me so much. Went to NTU yesterday to dance. Can uU comprehend the importance of dancing to me? Haha. My special love. I used to give up on the chance to pursue it in turn to spend more time with someone. How silly I was. And yet, he never knew I did that for him. Cause he has never treasured my efforts. Faith was with me. Support my passion always. I love faithy! Hahas. Wells, relationship is a nono for now. At least, I could say I haven’t met Mr. Right thus far. Hahahs. Don’t wanna jump into one relationship blindly again.

Daddy’s finally back. Wells, we’ll see.

In times of trials, it’s always encouraging and heartwarming to know your friends still cares. i’ve got a friend. she’s cold outside but warm inside. a very sweet girl who never fails to make my day. pingg loves minn. Thank youu.

jingmin; says: rememeber that you’re always loved by your friends okays jingmin; says: you aint alone…

jingmin; says: you’ve the support of your LOVELY friends, including me

jingmin; says: haha

[Pingg.DenieceJohanis]. let me introduce you my friend, Faith - ForsakingAllITrustHim. my lovely dance heels. SUNSHINEs. JesusC. says: hugs

[Pingg.DenieceJohanis]. let me introduce you my friend, Faith - ForsakingAllITrustHim. my lovely dance heels. SUNSHINEs. JesusC. says: i love u

jingmin; says: you know i loveeeeeeeeeeeeee you too

jingmin; says: my blurest cutest pretty ping

jingmin; says: (:

Faith.

Forsaking All I Trust Him. (rain, i really didnt ask it to post for blog, hahas. but i decided to in the end.)

She’s my priced possession. My dream comes true. My partner in dance. My wonderfully awesome girl. My support. Thanks for dancing with me. Thank you for tolerating all the rough turns and twists i did with you. Thank you for the support of my legs. i love you, Faith. My precious pair of DANCE HEELS.

*passionately in love with you.

Have uU seen a drunken mum? Sounds dramatic? Wells, often, what we seen on television drama would be a daddy who smelled of heavy cigar and alcohol. This is my original storyline. Director? There isn’t a need to I guess, the actresses are well-groomed for it.

How did uU want your child to feel loved? If all were just mistakes, why let your child be the one to suffer for your wrong? Did you know how frightened I was last night? I was shivering in fear whilst sleeping on my bed. I don’t like all these. I believe no one does. Or at least no one with a mind a perfectly normal state does. I hate irresponsible dad. Liars. Never comes home. I hate hypocrites. People who speaks in two different languages with two different people. I hate them all. I just wanna break away. Haven’t been going for services. Bro, I really don’t have much choice. I know you wont understand. There are just too many unspoken rules and politics in this hub of mine. Too many dried tears. I wanna run away. Or just sleep in coma for a couple of days. I know this doesn’t sound like it is coming from a lady of 21 years old. And it definitely sounds gullible and immature. But, let me tell uU this, it wasn’t easy growing in this home of mine. I didn’t choose my parents. I didn’t choose to be piled up by all their mistaken choices. I didn’t choose to feel affected, nor upset. I didn’t. I wanna be a free bird. Let me go. Just let me go.

Sounds crap? Hahas. Wells. Yes that’s just my story.

thanks to Per who called to calm my nerves. love her. thanks.

thanks to vonn and nana too. you’ll know who are your friends, in time of need man.

Rainft came over to my house to (supposedly train me guitar), but we ended up talking. Wells. There are just too many things. Thanks dude. I need to speak to Bro personally. Spent my day revising my dance again. Did some personal house chores and my best time of the day was of course spending QT with God. Somehow, i believe things would be better like what sam and per always said. And that’s it. I just wanna stay at home so that mum doesn’t feel too lonely or upset. All these are wearing me out. THESE. My story. My script.

I was suppose to go church. I was suppose to meet this friend of mine tomorrow too. But I decided not to. I want some time alone. I’m gonna wake up in the morning to do quiet time, I wanna spend some time alone with god.

This friend of mine, he’s someone very special to me. But, not in the romantic way I guess. He’s just important to me. I don’t know why, I cant explain. Perhaps, it was because he is **’s good friend, and he treats ** real good.  I really wanted to see him tomorrow, sincerely. Because, as a friend, I care, and I actually miss seeing his nonsensical face. Hahas. But, I suppose I shouldn’t. Especially when Yy and Niven cannot make it to meet  him with me.  1stly, I suppose before I could put down everything ** and I had in the past, I should cut off all things which will remind me of **, and so happened that he is one big thing to remind me of the pain. 2ndly, since ** thinks that I got close to one of his friends for revenge, so I guess to lessen the misunderstanding, I better don’t be too close to other friend of his. In fact, im not guilty at all. It only proves that ** after all these while, doesn’t know me well. =) I don’t do such childish act. So Friend, listen, I treasure you, from my heart. Please don’t start to speculate otherwise. I wont meet up with you till everything is forgotten.

I am not angry with anyone, nor am I blaming anyone. I know this is life. Bad things do happen, they happen to make uU realize how blessed you are when good things happens.

Adriel, I’m sorry. I know you won’t understand. But I am not leaving church. I just need some time alone. I don’t smile to please anyone. There are things at home you won’t understand.

Today was fantastic.

I didn’t do too much, neither did I do too little. It was just nice.

Woke up in the morning for breakfast, and started to slack a bit before I started to practice my dance. Certain moves I simply can’t really recall though. Hahas. I love dancing. Nothing (except my Lord) could replace the feeling dances bring about inside of my soul.

Everything was okays till my mum received a phone call from daddy. Wells, mummy was supposed to help me speak to dad regarding hostel staying plan, but, I don’t know why she seems to be hindering my plan instead. There are just too many things been recurring. Many childhood scars are surfacing. I hate this. I admit I’m a loser to family problem and politic. However, I also know that every family has its own kind of problem; I do not have the right to complain. There are worst there. Just that, somehow I wish that things could be nicer at home. People often admire what they see in others that they do not possess, but little do they also realize that the other party thinks the same way. Well, life is yours, make a choice man. Things happened, we can’t control, and however, they are only the 10% of the outcome. 90% of it lies in your hand and how uU choose to handle the situation.  I will survive.

Went to SA gathering just now. An informal one. There were the 3 babes whom I love, Pammy, Ailin and Jovi, Jon, Alex, Mr. Neo and myself. They were all ready to party. Craps. Hahahas. Wines, beers, chips and nuts. What can I say, I love this bunch of peeps. Fun people. And I must comment that Jovi, Pam and Neo can sing really well. Hahas. Jon, try harder, you are the joker man, love u.

sorry to my friends who’s been complaining that my blog has became stagnant.. the reason being was, i AM BUSY. yes i still am. Havent been really going out, there are just too many stuffs to be settled with daddy, but he ain’t back. yea. *sulks.

Wells, I haven been meeting up with my friends!!! Been busy with my dance. pretty focus. but still yet to decide which dance to focus on. =) hahas. anyways, they are all dances. my love, my life.

Last sat, went with Stan to NTU to support my senior during the SGDF annual Dancesports competition. =D Dude, uU did us proud. hahs. enjoyable, but the traveling time of 4 HOURS is killer!

Yesterday, *woot. Finally, i’ve decided to relax abit, and met up with my darlings. wells, two didnt turn up! haha. so there were only Stir, Bey, Jen and me! where’s vonn and nana?? hahas. miss miss.

yeah. that’s about it. tml is yet another dance day! *inlove.

muarks.

woo. i actually skipped my latin dance lesson last night. i didnt know what was on my mind then. *lols. wells, who cares. i went for hiphop class @ Oschool today. Dancing is my most priced passion in this life, i could love dancing, music, arts appreciations more than i could love anything or anyone. hahhahas. i swear.

right, lets talk about how did i pass my yesterday. i went out with my twin in the afternoon to do some shopping. and we.. decided not to go for our latin class. and for me to agree to that idea was.. really un-me. i really didnt noe what happened to me. maybe there was another reason much more important than dancing. yep. there was. someone. i didnt want my twin to be upset with me, so i asked her to meet her bf instead, and since this would satisfy 2 person - ang and her bf, why not yea? i went to find my dude, niven in the evening when we slacked around starbucks for awhile before he had to leave to meet his buddies. So i called Ling up. He came over and accompanied me. Thanks Ling, you’re sucha sweet friend. He then drove me to east coast park and pebblebay. I didnt go for CG. I was by the river. clearing my thoughts again. no, im not emoing. there wasnt much to emo about. i was just sorting out my mind. Thanks to Ling who accompanied me for 2 nights including tonight. reached home pretty late. i wanted some fresh air by the river. it was drizzling slightly. what a familiar scenario. wells, it doesnt kill youu, it will only make uU a stronger person. immuned.

Today. I went for a jog in the noon to thrash out the negative feelings. luckily the sun wasnt too scorching. slack ard at home to give my mummy a company before i left to meet Ele, my darling galfren. It’s been long since we’ve catch up man, honey. Then, i headed to Income building for my class. Thanks to Ah ger and Val who came to see, i felt so embarrashed. haha. Ling came to meet me after class. Went shopping for my track pants. i found out that he didnt really like almond soya milk. hahas. do uU wanna make a guess where did we head to after this? no surprise. Pebblebay again. it felt good staying in the car. i think i’ll just need a few more days yea? wahhahaha. Pebblebay was one of my fave place. reallie. even till now. only went there with a few people. really missed. hahas. i saw someone, who i didnt wanna see today man. wells. it didnt matter at all.

i really didnt feel that blogging in full sentences.. waste of time. not in the mood. hahas.

thanks to Angie. love u babe. she made my day.

an oasis of makebelieve says:

God close doors for other doors to be open, so, feel blessed that He had it all planned for you. ((: you deserve all these, know

Ayton.. youu rock my world.

thanks for the sweet memories, lovely videos and phote frame.. but above all, the lifetime friendship.

Thank you Dee and Jo, my sunshines forever.

loves.

my heart is aching. you know, i’ve always love youu. i never knew that you’ll move on so soon. i still havent. still cant. noone else came close. but i noe youu are not the youu i used to know. sometimes, i really hate uu. for telling me that things were moving too fast. youu were the pacer, wasnt it? i was just a pawn in your game of chess. and yet, you’re moving on sooner than soon. i hate uu.

sometimes, you’ll just feel like asking her to give uU a peace. really. i duno why on earth is she doing here. i bet she doesnt noes it too. tat means she’s nth better than a living dead. so y wont u give the live one a break? stop wreaking others’ life. if you could, learn to love others the way youu selfishly love yourself for the passed ten over years. wake up your mind, lady.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Had a great week to start, though the unpleasant part.

Human feelings are not exactly inexplicable, but most of the time, you feel it hard to understand people around you, and you yourself.

i had a bad day. wells, but if the bad doesnt come, would we ever treasure the good? yea? hahas/

right, due to my bad day, i shall cut short my story of the week.

4th June (Mon)

Met up with Rainft to learn guitar before going for my t08grp4 gathering. sorry. i was late. the latest to be exact.

Waited for Rainft to be done to come by my house, and we went down to Vivocity. Reached at 6.59pm when my gathering is at 7pm. so guess what? obviously i was so gonna be late for my gathering as i was gonna have a lesson with Tofu right? yeah. My cheeky friend said, "so bad. dun be late. later we dun tell uU where are we meeting arh.." hahahhas. sorry i was lated. utterly sorry. really happy cuz it’s like finally, the 6 of us could meet up together. Thanks to Rainft for the efforts. loves. gonna miss them all. cuz when school starts, NS starts.. wooo.. everyone would be even more busy than now.

5th June (Tues)

Met up with my bestie, Alex.

Know what? Here’s the issue with the both of us going out. Everytime we plan to meet up, sth bad would happen. the last time, i was sick so i couldnt be out, followed by an incident where we were out in sentosa when it started to rain and the very same day my eye was infected with virus. THIS TIME. worst. i was down with fever, stomach flu, cough and flu!!! haha *LOLs. why oh why? but i decided that i should not go home or be deter by this cuz it has always be the problem between us. So after visiting the physicians, we headed down to Sentosa - Siloso Beach, Delifrance cafe, TAS.

Tas was the part where all the memories starts to flow back melodiously. From the Fair&Square Cafeteria to the Service Restaurant, the Library to Staff room, all of them seemed to evaporate the smell of the sweet and bitter past i’ve spent with my t08grp4s. Especially to Alex, my bestie, the one who always love me like no other. Kai, who i’ve always admired, and learnt alot from. Ru, the cheeky one who brought laughter and tears. Tine, the soft one, who ever so gentle. Nana, this is my bitch, i love her max, we had many arguments and fights, but grew to love each other.

We had this photo-taking sessions. Taken so much that i thought i was a pop-star for a day man. *lols. love lex. thank you. so much.

We also met Chef Jason, Igi, and Ms Daga. Wowwowweewow. hahas. Amazingly, Ms Daga was still harbouring the thought that me and lex was together. Had a fun time trying to convince her otherwise. =D

Then after, we headed down to Bugis to meet up with the rest of the 08s for dinner. There were Nic&Melia, JingMin, Emii, Dsa, Manda, Linda, and US. Belle came to join awhile after. Dinner at this casual restaurant, V8 i think. It was great. The company was great. Expect the virus in me. They were making me drowsy and smileless half the time.

So in the end, i decided to take a cab home. I wanna feel pampled once in awhile. *lols. spoilt lars! hahas. noonono. but i waited for almost an hour before i got my cab. Know why? gosh. everyone’s calling cab. everyone. so yes. the queue does get shorter but it was shrinking from the tail, not the head. got my point? whahahaha. i was nearing the head. =(((( an hour of standing when i was feverish was utterly insane. hahahhahahahaha. i wanted to fainted. hahahaa. oh wells, i am still safe and sound here. kicking. wahhahaha.

6th & 7th June (Wed & Thurs)

what did i do? Stayed home and wait for recovery. Like a pig. Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. wahhahaha. that the major part of my wed and thurs man. i did try to practice guitar. Feeble attempt though. Giddy was the main vocab of the day.

it just doesnt seems right today.

didnt start right, didnt end right either. or maybe i’m sure if it’s gonna end anytime.

I think i’m feeling unwell again. to be exact. my stomach. i think it’s the stomach flu thingy again. *shake head.

And guess what? man. a friend of mine viewed my profile again. and thus, i view hers back. saw things that i didnt wanna see. that’s sick. okays. i am very sick now. my mind is not working well. somehow, it still hurts a little. where? im not sure of it myself either. but it’s okays. just a little. doesnt really matter right? if it doesnt kill you, it simply makes u stronger. immuned. too precious to lose, what? him? or time? TIME of course. him.. he was just a history. yeaps.just a history which marked something in my heart. Thank you for everything, for the ‘once upon a time’. im okays. im fine. maybe it’s the nightfall which triggers the emotional worms in me. =D but rest assure, it’s over. and i’m over him. totally. Thank you darling and besties for always staying by me, ever ready to listen.

EMERGE!! here i come!

thurs to sund.. wanna come? let me know. =D